Money | A Hot Issue
We have an entire wedding budget area to talk about the complexity of money. No matter what your money views, there is no "right or wrong." This very simple award-winning game is worth the emotional awareness you'll gain. A few big "a-ha" moments may greatly help in wedding planning. Learn more
We're Going to Be One Happy Family...Or Else!
A very unique book written by a nationally respected marriage and family therapist who has worked with couples and families for over 30 years. Learn why a mother bought 25 copies for EVERYONE in her family to get everyone on the same page during the most intense, public, family event. Learn more
Wedding Discounts for Marriage Prep
Engaged couples are by their nature extremely happy. But as you know, after the honeymoon, marriage is hard work. We offer many options for marriage prep at many price-points(and wedding discounts from vendors who want to help!) Encourage your adult child to visit our website.Learn more
Wedding Vendors
Weddings & Relationships
Marriage Prep
4 part weekly class. Interactive, anonomous, online and by phone.
Happily Ever After | Rules of Marriage
Once you have had the big wedding life can return to... normal? A new life? Maybe you're excited to get beyond the wedding stuff, or maybe you're going to be really sad and lost on how to spend your free time.
Ways people think about "happily ever after":
- If you have lived together before the wedding, you may be surprised at your new energy to make your house a home, to be more "intentional" about your life together
- If you haven't lived together, this is a big deal! You have a lot of logistical decisions to make on how you want to share your living space, coordinating a lot of paperwork, address changes, probably combining finances in some way
- Some couples claim nothing changes after the wedding, but many, even if they lived with their spouse for a long time, feel DIFFERENT. They feel more content and secure.
Potential first hiccups:
- The first "family event" post-wedding may ignite some emotion. Whether this is a second cousins birthday party that conflicts with a concert and the family is up in arms that you'd chose the concert, or whether it's that first holiday post-wedding where parents are dueling for your presence, you will invariably experience new stuff as a married couple in relation to your families and friends
- There can be a psychological "shift" when people get married. Your parents marriage start to bubble up and your views of your new role as husband or wife may start making you think differently about your relationship (hopefully for good!)
- Friends who are not married may start to avoid you, or complain about your marriage because they are now forced to change their life
- You may feel more distant from your single friends and crave finding other married friends
- Your need to "nest" may translate your bridal focus into home repairs and fixing things up or simply buying your first home.
- It is REALLY important to figure out health insurance. You have 30 days as a newly married couple to cancel your own coverage and join your spouses (or vice versa.) This comes into play most often for couples who want to try to get pregnant. If the womans coverage is not very good, she should do research on her husbands insurance and sign up right away! The only time you can change insurance is for a "qualifying" event, such as a marriage, birth of a new baby, adoption of a baby, lose of job (or going from full-time to part-time which drops your insurance.) If your maternity coverage is bad, switch now even if it may be a couple years until you want to get pregnant. If you and your spouse have the same "open enrollment", you could wait. Open enrollment is usually one time per year that you are allowed to alter your health benefits. Every company has their own time so it's not likely you and your spouse will have the same window to change insurance.
Expectations you have for your marriage
If you "dated well" you have talked at length about your views of marriage, about your parents marriage (or divorce), about the life you want to lead as a couple. Life has a funny way of overtaking us and the work of marriage is in handling "life" in such a way that you can stay connected to your spouse. Even something as "simple" as having a new boss can wreck havoc on your relationship if you become overly-whiney, miserable, and hate your job.
How do you "DO" your marriage?
Every relationship is different and there is no right or wrong way, as long as both people are on the same page.
- When you want to go out with friends, do you connect with your spouse first, or confirm the plans first, then let your spouse know?
- What do your weekends (or non-work days) look like? Do you assume you'll spend time together or do your own thing?
- Are mealtimes always together, sometimes together, or only together if you actually coordinate your schedules?
- Are birthdays a big deal?
- Is local family a big deal? How often are you expected to be with them and what are the "rules" around when you can say "no" without offending them? What about out of town family?
- How do you manage relationships with both sets of parents? Is the blood relative responsible for all communication or is there a belief that the "wife takes over?"
- How much can you "demand" of your spouse? Where does your influence end and being disrespectful begin? (Ex: I really need you to pick up the office because my parents are coming to visit. VS Stop playing that video game NOW and clean up the office.)
Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Bill Doherty. The First Dance is a 2007 Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning. See what engaged couples and wedding professionals are saying about our book Take Back Your wedding. Our entire website is dedicated to offering advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.