Money | A Hot Issue
We have an entire wedding budget area to talk about the complexity of money. No matter what your money views, there is no "right or wrong." This very simple award-winning game is worth the emotional awareness you'll gain. A few big "a-ha" moments may greatly help in wedding planning. Learn more
We're Going to Be One Happy Family...Or Else!
A very unique book written by a nationally respected marriage and family therapist who has worked with couples and families for over 30 years. Learn why a mother bought 25 copies for EVERYONE in her family to get everyone on the same page during the most intense, public, family event. Learn more
Wedding Discounts for Marriage Prep
Engaged couples are by their nature extremely happy. But as you know, after the honeymoon, marriage is hard work. We offer many options for marriage prep at many price-points(and wedding discounts from vendors who want to help!) Encourage your adult child to visit our website.Learn more
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Marriage Prep
4 part weekly class. Interactive, anonomous, online and by phone.
We have too many people on the guest list! Is it OK to have a "list A" and "list B" where as list A people RSVP they can't make it, we invite from the list B?
What may be going on: There is likely a tension going on that needs to be figured out. Whether the tension is between where you chose to get married (space limitations), or choices that create an expensive per person cost, it's a lot better to figure out what the purpose of your wedding is early on. It may also be an inability to categorize people in a way that lets all people (bride, groom, her parents, his parents) remove entire categories to reduce the size. Or, it may just be you have massive families and yet you want to invite friends, too. If there aren't many options of where to have the wedding, you may be stuck with space limitations. You CAN invite everyone if you make some very tough decisions and perhaps not have the wedding you see in the magazines.
What usually doesn't happen, but should: There should be a clear sense of the purpose of this wedding. Is this wedding about having a big party? Is it a family-focused event? Is it a religious event? How much financial freedom is there and how much have those limitations impacted your decisions on how fancy to make the big day? If you absolutely NEED everyone there, even if it's 600 people and you have a small budget, you CAN make anything happen. Renting a public park, serving cake and ice cream, and having a boombox for music is just fine if you know exactly why you're having the wedding in the first place. Similarly, if the goal is to have a very elegant affair, your values will reflect the absolute closest people, knowing there may be hurt feelings.
How to avoid potential drama: If you absolutely have to have an A list and B list, you're best off keeping the lists from "cross-pollinating." If you have 8 "groups", and let's say group #7 isn't as close as group #6, but they know groups 1, 2, and 3 who will be on the top list, you may have to invite them to avoid ackwardness. You could also potentially get some pre-confirmations from people on whether they will be able to put some B listers on the top list knowing they won't be attending.
What not to say : If you can avoid telling anyone there IS an A list and B list, you are likely to be more successful. If you get caught and someone confronts you, do not try to defend yourself or apologize. Just admit there has been a lot of stress with financial limitations and guest list issues and your hope is everyone will be able to fit, knowing some won't be able to make it.
Read more from our book, Take Back Your Wedding available on our website or Amazon.
Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Bill Doherty. The First Dance is a 2007 Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning. See what engaged couples and wedding professionals are saying about our book Take Back Your wedding. Our entire website is dedicated to offering advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.