Money | A Hot Issue
We have an entire wedding budget area to talk about the complexity of money. No matter what your money views, there is no "right or wrong." This very simple award-winning game is worth the emotional awareness you'll gain. A few big "a-ha" moments may greatly help in wedding planning. Learn more
We're Going to Be One Happy Family...Or Else!
A very unique book written by a nationally respected marriage and family therapist who has worked with couples and families for over 30 years. Learn why a mother bought 25 copies for EVERYONE in her family to get everyone on the same page during the most intense, public, family event. Learn more
Wedding Discounts for Marriage Prep
Engaged couples are by their nature extremely happy. But as you know, after the honeymoon, marriage is hard work. We offer many options for marriage prep at many price-points(and wedding discounts from vendors who want to help!) Encourage your adult child to visit our website.Learn more
Wedding Vendors
Weddings & Relationships
Marriage Prep
4 part weekly class. Interactive, anonomous, online and by phone.
My Wedding Plan
We've talked with more couples, parents, and wedding vendors than most and the themes repeat themselves in sometimes unique, sometimes funny, often painful ways. Fighting, stress, confusion, innocent mistakes, impossible family. In the end people are on the "other side", in a new marriage, dealing with the same people they fought with, for the rest of their lives. The beginning of our work was in our book, Take Back Your Wedding. This is a comprehensive step in reducing stress, increasing confidence and starting your marriage off right. A mom recently read the book and loved it so much she bought 25 copies for EVERYONE in the family! It's a book decided for everyone and will greatly help you articulate emotions, figure out those dicey situations you run into, and hopefully launch you into a beautiful marriage.
We are not prescriptive but rather into the PROCESS people take to come to their wedding plans. That said, some might benefit from what we recommend for a complete wedding planning approach that is most likely to help you succeed in your wedding and early married life.
My Wedding Plan : First Step Get the Lay of the Land
As everyone does anyway, read as much as you can. Our book, Take Back Your Wedding, is useful from day one AND day 30, 6 months in, and even a day before the wedding. Along with our book, read as many wedding checklists as you can including ours which offers unique wedding advice.
My Wedding Plan : Second Step Research
The internet is great for research for areas you aren't confident in or don't know much about. The big decisions are where to have the wedding and when. Our book helps you uncover what you want out of your wedding and the internet fills in specifics.
My Wedding Plan : Third Step Communicate, Educate, Discuss
Armed with a ton of wedding information, start the education and communication process with your partner if he or she hasn't put the time into learning about wedding planning. NO DECISIONS YET!
When the two of you are on the same page (our book has great excerises including a downloadable priority worksheet from our website), invite parents or other key stakeholders into the conversations. Before you talk with your parents, it may be helpful to read Why Parents Care about Your Wedding. Again, NO DECISIONS YET! This is purely conversation, getting the lay of the land.
From our perspective the singlest biggest stress and source of sometimes lifelong "family hell" is around the wedding guest list. We go into great detail on ways to think about it, how to manage it with parents so you get what you want without greating world war three.
My Wedding Plan : Fourth Step Making Key Decisions
Key decisions involve the rough wedding guest list (knowing everyones wish list, thinking through whether to invite kids, knowing about your wedding budget and who might contribute to paying for the wedding), understanding why people in general care about your wedding plans, thinking through your wedding party, and figuring out your wedding date as they relate to others in your life.
Tips to keep in mind:
- Educate yourself on your family history with weddings to avoid potential landmines
- Educate yourself on your in-laws family history, by asking your spouse-to-be to explore any hot button issues or things you ought to know before stepping into an emotional landmine (maybe you weren't aware all his uncles just got out of treatment for alcoholism and the family is worried about them being around booze... you may want to think very carefully about whether you want alcohol at your wedding out of consideration of the serious disease key family members are facing.)
- Educate yourself in GENERAL on costs so when the conversations start about how much things cost, and parents experience the horror of wedding prices, you have some data instead of getting defensive. ("Dad, I know $50 per person sounds like a lot, but in our area, the next lower cost is to drive an hour away and have a picnic. $50 is actually very reasonable in our area.)
Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Bill Doherty. The First Dance is a 2007 Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning. See what engaged couples and wedding professionals are saying about our book Take Back Your wedding. Our entire website is dedicated to offering advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.