The Wedding Date - Relationship Issues to Consider

Wedding Photography and Wedding Videography:

What to Record of your Big Day

While it may seem obvious that you book a photographer and videographer to record your special day it is actually a bigger questino of what ABOUT the day are you hoping to record? On one extreme you will find photographers and videographers who are told that the bride and groom want to feel like celebrities and at all times, from the moment they wake up that day, they wish to have everything recorded. On the other extreme would be a couple who either doesn't have photos or videos taken or who has someone casually take a few pictures or maybe has a small camera and does some recording. You also get the debate about portrait shots versus candids, photojournalism style. Portraits are not trendy right now but does that ever leave grandparents or parents wishing for a normal, straight shot of family?

Ways people think about the wedding "recordings":

I want every moment captured so I don't forget
I want to feel like a star on my big day and having professionals follow me around will make me feel special and let me relive the big day over and over
I want to record this day for my children and grandchildren some day
I want to get a family photo of all my relatives who are never in the same room except at weddings
I want some recordings but I also don't want the recordings to interfere with the actual day itself and my memories of it
I don't want to notice the photographer/videographer at all - no staged anything, just let the day flow the way I want it to go
I really want the cool, trendy shots of the rings, of every detail on the tables, of all the stuff that when the wedding is over, I want to be able to still have on record

Potential wedding recording options:

Record from the moment you wake up
Stage parts of the day for the best photo opportunities
Arrange the day to maximize photo taking (starting photos before the wedding to get them out of the way or allowing more space before the reception to take photos afterwards)
Go to another location for photos-only even if no event took place there
Record big moments only but leave most of it unrecorded

Expectations you have on the wedding recordings :

My husband and I put wedding photography on the 'top list' of priorities. We felt, as many do, that photos are all you have left after the day is over. We didn't want to risk this task to just anyone. But we also found through the process that we didn't want to be controlled by the photos. We went back and forth on whether to take outdoor photos but ultimately realized no part of our wedding was outoors so for us it would feel artificial to have photos of us in an environment that wasn't part of our day except for the brief photo time.

Married life will be filled with many potential recordable moments and the wedding brings it all up. Is life something you life and happen to record or do you rearrange your day or life to get the best recording? We were told to cut our cake way before dinner for the "best photo moment" and we strongly protested! To us the cake was a traditional wedding dessert, not a moment designed soley to get a good photo.

Add the element of surprise - should the bride and groom see each other before the ceremony, and there you have an endless debate that people passionately argue both sides. The tension is making guests wait for you to record yourselves, or remove the public unveiling and look of amazement on the grooms face as everyone wants the bride (and the grooms reaction) as she walks down the aisle.

The First Dance Recommendation:

This can be a wonderful time to talk as a couple about how you see your life being recorded. Are you the type of person who brings a camera or video everywhere and can sometimes get lost in recording and not actually being fully present in the moment? Maybe your parents never took photos of you as a kid and you are trying to make up for lost time by getting as much of your adult life on camera?

Are there ever moments you don't want recorded in the wedding? Are any family members very sensitive about their emotions and would die if the photographer took a weepy picture of them? Or perhaps that is exactly what you hope to capture for your wedding album?

That brings us to the question about what you plan on doing with the recordings. Are you the kind of couple who will have a mantle place filled with wedding photos? Or realistically will you have all your negatives and a CD and never get around to actually printing your wedding photos? Will you ritualistically review your photos and video on your anniversary or will these items collect dust and be opened up when your kids get married next?

Tips to keep in mind:

Are parents or grandparents hoping to get certain family shots?
Do you view photos as showing you as you are today (with your funky hair color, big, trendy glasses, current weight and muscle tone) or are you aspiring to be a "perfect" version of yourself - teeth whitening, Lasik eye surgery, well toned body, extra long hair to put in an updo?

- Elizabeth Doherty Thomas, is a co-founder of The First Dance, along with Marriage and Family therapist father Dr. William J. Doherty. The First Dance was a Modern Bride Trendsetter award winner in 2007 for taking on the complex family dynamics of wedding planning. Read Take Back Your Wedding: Managing the People Stress of Wedding Planning for more advice on working through the people stresses of wedding planning as a couple, with your families, and how to strengthen your upcoming marriage through this enormous first task of married life.

Wedding Photography and Wedding Videography:

What to Record of your Big Day

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