Wedding Stress and Mistakes Made with the Wedding Party

Who to ask to be part of your wedding party can be extremely fast, easy and obvious, or it can be a wrenching, drama filled experience. If you're like me, you haven't been part of many weddings and don't even know what the wedding party roles are. Maybe you've been a bridesmaid in many weddings and have a lot of hard choices to make about who to invite or not.

One of the most striking mistakes I see time and again is the lack of clarity around who is being invited and what YOU expect of them and what THEY expect of their role.

Our book, Take Back Your Wedding, gives you really good advice on dealing with the complicated friendships and limitations of wedding party friendships - procrastination, not fulfilling their duties, but here are some basic mistakes that if you can avoid, will create a much smoother wedding planning process with much less drama or hurt feelings.

Ask yourself what you want out of your wedding party members
Ask yourself who really needs to be in the wedding party because not inviting them would cause more harm than good. This is especially for family members - sisters, sister-in laws or others who expect to be in the wedding.
Weigh what you want out of your wedding party with who you are inviting. Consider these elements that will affect what you should hope for or can reasonablly expect out of your wedding party:
- personalities (are they high drama, self absorbed people? if so, don't expect them to change just because it's your wedding. Plan around their drama rather than be resentful when they act like they've always acted their entire lives.)
- location (are they out of town or in town?)
- their financial situation (can they easily afford the dress, shoes and wedding festivities)
- their life phase (are they getting engaged soon, perhaps trying to start a family, launching a super intense career, in school?)
- how well do your wedding party members get along with each other and does this even matter?
Consider how other friends may be willing to help you even if they're not an official wedding party member. It is very possible that your wedding party, like mine, were all out of town, didn't know each other at all, and won't be doing anything but showing up with their dress for the rehearsal. What are you needing in your wedding planning help and who can help you?
When you do invite your wedding party to be part of your day be sure to set the tone of generally what you're hoping their role can be. If you are unable to communicate your wishes with them you'll set yourself up for a lot of unnecessary stress or sadness.

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